Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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