Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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