You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
