All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
