Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
