Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
