i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
