Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
