so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
