he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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