I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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