she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
