Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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