It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
