Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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