Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
