Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize