does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize