One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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