you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
