I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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