BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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