Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
