please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize