update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How does one acquire holy water?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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