ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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