My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
