he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
