I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
