Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
