Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
