It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
