This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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