i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
