My friends, they love my intelligence
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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