Church boner. Awkwardddd
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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