I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I want to make a zoo with you.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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