I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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