Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
