In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
