On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
