Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
