Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
