She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
