she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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