Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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