I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
