I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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