shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's shark week go big or go home
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
