i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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