This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
