Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
