I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
