It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
