This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
