I murdered the dance floor call the cops
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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