saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
