shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
