is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
