How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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