just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize