it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
