My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
