I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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