Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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