i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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