Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
