remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
