my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
