I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
